Just before rainy season began (or is there a “season” here in the Pacific Northwest?), Eric and I bought a set of windshield wipers for my car at Costco. They were buy one, get one free, and they were so very needed. The last time I got new windshield wipers was on the day Eric and I first met in 2006. (Weird, huh? We met and went out to lunch with some friends and then I had to go get windshield wipers. I mentioned it to Eric and he offered to help me. I wanted to be independent and politely declined. Turned out I couldn’t quite figure it out and my ex-boyfriend helped me.)
So, we bought windshield wipers in August. We got home and I declared that I was going to go put them on, all by myself, because I was fully capable. I ended up really frustrated and ready to snap the thing in two before I finally deciphered the entirely unclear drawings on the half sheet of paper. But when it was all said and done, I had done it. No help needed.
Fast forward four months.
I was driving yesterday from work to a school to tutor when my windshield wiper came off. It made some funny clicking noises a few times then it just popped off and (thankfully) fell onto the window and slid onto the hood. So I pulled over and used the overhang at Home Depot to shield me from the drizzle. I snapped it back on and went on my way. I even thought to myself something along the lines of, wow, I’m so independent. I didn’t need help from anyone, even the nice gentleman at Home Depot who walked by and offered to help.
Fast forward an hour and a half.
I drove to the school in the rain. I tutored for just over an hour. Then I got in the car and began my drive in the drizzle and traffic back to work to teach for another two hours. As I pulled onto the freeway, I heard the clicking noise.
Click. So I flipped the wipers off.
And I squinted.
When I really couldn’t see anything, I gave in and turned the wipers on for a moment.
Click. Panic. Wipers off.
And it continued like that for fifteen miles back to work.
The wiper stayed put but God taught me more than I anticipated on my drive. How often to I think that I’m so independent? I’m just fine on my own, no help needed. It is one of my pullstring sayings, I’m fine on my own.
Just as my windshield wiper clung to its post and barely survived the ride, I’ve clung to God and barely survived the ride because I haven’t been acknowledging that it was to him I was clinging. I’ve thought I was clinging to myself and that my self-reliance was good enough.
And God just shakes his head at my stubborn dependence on my own abilities and my lack of dependence on his infinite ability. My facade of independence loves to throw God’s ability out the window. It’s like I’m saying no thanks to God. I don’t need your help because I’ve got it covered. But I’m not fine on my own. I do need his help.
My prayer for this upcoming week is simply:
help? yes, please.